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indian and desi jokes
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Oct 2, 2007 5:31 pm
2757 Views
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Q: Why is Delhi a male city (Maha Nagar) and Bombay a female city
(Maha Nagri)?
A: Because Delhi has Qutab Minar and Bombay has Gateway of India.
Q: What's a smart Malayalee called?
A: Debo-nair.
Q: An extraordinary malayalee ..
A: PHENO-MENON
Q: A smart and extraordinary malayalee ..
A: VIJI-MENON
Q: How do u identify a Mallu?
A:zimply
Q: Why is the sardar standing at the doorway of the exam hall in this underpants?
A: Coz he is giving the 'entrance exam' where instructions are 'answer in brief'.
Mrs. Banta Singh was in the habit of having long conversation on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes."What is the matter today? asked her husband. "Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone." "I got a wrong number," replied Mrs. Banta Singh.
Santa singh shows up at his friend Banta Singh's Place in a Brand New - Red Ferarri.
Banta: Wow Banta, ke gaddi hai (What a car)Kithon laiye (where did you get it from)
Santa:Main highway te lift mung reha se ... Gori Mem aaee te meine kende "want a ride Mr. Singh" I hopped in, and she took me to the woods. Once in woods she got outside took off clothes and said to me "Mr Singh. take anything"
Banta is quite excited and asks "tu ke keeta Santa "
Santa: Mian gaddi lai layee. (I took the car)
Banta: Changa keeta kapde tenu fit bhi nahi aane se (good showyou wouldn't have fit into her clothes)
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Banta`s wife
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Sep 23, 2007 12:56 pm
1914 Views
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Banta`s wife, Preeto, goes to England to attend a two-week, company training session. Banta drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
Preeto answers, 'Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?'
Banta laughs and says, 'An English girl !!!
Preeto kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later Banta picks her up in the airport and asks, 'So, honey, how was the trip?'
'Very good, thank you.'
'And, what happened to my present?'
'Which present?'
'What I asked for, the English girl?!'
Oh, that! Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if its a girl !!!
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GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR
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Sep 23, 2007 12:51 pm
1534 Views
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GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR
ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND
SARDAR DENIED SIMPLY SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY, WE
MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES..
MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD, MY BROTHER MARRIED MY
BHABHI, MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON. SO
PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!!!!
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LALOOS FAMILY PLANNING
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Sep 23, 2007 12:45 pm
995 Views
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LALOOS FAMILY PLANNING
After having their 11th child, Laloo & Rabri decided that was enough. So then Laloo went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife did not want any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a Diwali bomb, light it, put it in a empty Coke can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
Laloo said to the doctor, "I'm the smartest man in Bihar, but I don't see how putting a Diwali atom bomb in a Coke can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem."
So the couple drove to Delhi to get a second opinion. The Delhi physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed by their Medical records that they were from Bihar. This doctor instead told Laloo to go home and get a Diwali atom bomb, light it, place it in a Coke can and hold it to his ear and count to 10.
Figuring that both learned physicians knew what they were talking about and couldn't be wrong, Laloo went home, lit a atom bomb, put it in a coke can. He held it up to his ear and began to count with his fingers on his left hand : "1,2,3, 4,5" At which point he paused, placed the coke can between his legs and resumed counting on the other hand.
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SARDAR JOKES
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Sep 22, 2007 6:57 pm
1321 Views
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SARDAR JOKES
Two Sardarjis went into a pub and after ordering two beers took some sandwiches out of their packets and started to eat them. 'You can't eat your own sandwiches in here,' complained the pub-owner. So the two sardars swapped their sandwiches
In a party one of Zail Singh's friends asked him How many chappathis he could eat in an empty stomach. Zail replied "Seven". Then his friend told him "When U eat the first chappathi your stomach is no longer empty.Then how can U eat seven ??". Zail was impressed by this tricky question. So as soon as he went back home he asked his wife " How many chappathis can you eat in an empty stomach ??". She replied "Five". Then Zail told " Shit!! If only you had told seven I had a nice reply for it"
Four Sardarji's were waiting a on Railway Platform for the "Punjab Mail". As they were waiting an announcement is made about the train running late by two hours. The train scheduled to start at 10 am will now start at 12 noon. Since there is lots of time to kill the four sardarjis decide to go out into the city to spend the time. When they get back to the station
they see "Punjab Mail" just leaving the platform.So sardarjis start running desperately to board the train.. One ofthem manages to catch the 6th boggie Another got almost the last boggie and the other two got left behind.When the two Sardarji 's who managed to get into the train met each other in one of the bogies they started laughing uncontrollably. They go on laughing
.....laughing ....and laughing. Now the other passengers get bit curious and one of them asked the Sardarji's .... "Arre, what's so funny ? Why are you both laughing so madly? One of the Sardarji's managed to reply "Actually the two who were supposed to take this train got left
behind......we ....just came to see them off !!!!!!!!!!"
A sardarji is standing on platform no.1 waiting for the punjab mail toarrive. There is an anouncement "Passengers to note.. Train no 234 dn Punjab mail from New Delhi will be arriving on `platform` no.1 shortly." Hearing this sardarji gets panicky..He immediately picked up his baggage, jumped on to the railway track and stood there..Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than
scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry .. we still have one engine left." A sardarji passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
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The Ransom
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Sep 22, 2007 6:53 pm
1203 Views
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The Ransom
A Gujarati bhai spent the night in his secretary's apartment.
He woke up at three in the morning.
"My God!" he shouted, "My wife is going to kill me!"
Unsure of how he would explain it, he ran to the nearest pay phone and called his wife.
"Muna ni ba ", he began, "Don't pay the ransom. I escaped!"
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Arjun Singh Jokes
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Sep 20, 2007 1:50 pm
1348 Views
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Arjun Singh Jokes
Here are some Arjun singh jokes to make you smile:
WHAT IS AN ARJUN SINGH SALE ?
Ans 49.5% off.
WHICH IS ARJUN SINGH'S FAVOURITE CITY ?
Ans Kota
WHY DOESN'T ARJUN SINGH HAVE TOO MANY FRIENDS?
Ans Because he's 'reserved' by nature .
WHY DID ARJUN SINGH LEARN ARABIC?
Ans So that he could read 'backwards'.
ARJUN SINGH WAS MADE THE LAW MINISTER. HE ZAPPED EVERYONE BY CREATING ANOTHER SUPREME COURT. HE CALLED IT THE SUPREME TRIBUNAL. WHAT WAS HIS LOGIC?
Ans For every SC, there should be an ST .
IF ARJUN SINGH WERE TO MAKE A CAREER IN FILMS, WHICH JOB WOULD HE OPT FOR?
Ans Choosing the caste .
IF ARJUN SINGH OWNED A MOVIE THEATER, WHAT WOULD THE BALCONY BE CALLED?
Ans Backward Class
IF ARJUN SINGH WERE A HISTORIAN, HOW WOULD HE DIVIDE TIME?
Ans AD, BC & OBC.
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my twin sister
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Sep 19, 2007 1:41 am
1909 Views
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Not sure how many of u know im an identical twin well i am and yesterday my twin had a car accident and although over the years we r not as close due to caring for r own families,work.etc ,i at the time of her accident felt a pain in my shoulder and back and stood in a state of shock, after a few minutes i came to my senses and started to cry but for no known reason this all happened.
instantly i thought of my twin sister and decided to call her to check she is ok,and she on the phone crying and saying she just had someone smack into her car side on and her back and shoulder was hurting,wow what can i say.
i found out where she was in her car and went to care for her.
she is ok apart from some slight pain and bruising but i myself not feeling good i think im taking her pain and sorrow.
all night i cried and felt so stiff in my body,i called her today and she is ok and resting so im going to her house today do her daily chores for her and make her comfortable.
if u see me in the lobby please make sure u keep up my good spirit im trying not to feel so bad,these things happen in life but when its a twin the pain is double!!!
please say a prayer for my sister that this dont affect her mentally.
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Top 10 Ways to Recognize A Desi Engineer
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Sep 9, 2007 6:40 pm
898 Views
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Top 10 Ways to Recognize A Desi Engineer
10. You have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside.
9. You're aware that computers are actually only good for playing games.
8. You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your car tires.
7. You still own a slide rule and you know how to work it.
6. You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
5. Your IQ is lower than your weight.
4. You stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE.
3. You can remember seven computer passwords but not your anniversary.
2. Your wife hasn't got the foggiest idea what you do at work.
1. You introduce your wife as mylady & hom
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Punjab Airlines
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Sep 9, 2007 6:36 pm
1125 Views
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Punjab Airlines
Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen.
This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to
Punjab Airways. We apologize for the four day delay in taking off,
owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery.
This is flight one two six flight to New Delhi.
Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in
the East. And if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your
village!
Punjab Airways has an excellent record for safety.
In fact our safety standards are so high that even the terrorists are
afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure I announce that starting
this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination.
(I presume that the other 50% were the terrorists themselves!!!)
For the ones that don't quiet make it, Punjab Airways staff have all
the requisite experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our
Stewardesses Bubbly and Goldie will be happy to brief you on our
out-of-court settlement policies.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger
request, we can arrange to turn them off ! To make your free fall to
earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and
biscuits !
For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who
can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight
movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the
television.
But for our movie buff, we will be flying right next to Air India,
where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin
window.
There is no-smoking in this airplane. Any smoke you
see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines
telling us to slow down!
Life jacket are positioned under your seats and free
bathing costumes are made available to the aunties and swimming
shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly
as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little
too close do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies
right through the landmark !
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright
position for take off and fasten your belt. For those of you who
can't find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your
seat.
And for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in
touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.
Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend
my nephew's wedding. But please make yourself at home and help yourself
to the cock pit.
Thank you for choosing Punjab Airways. HAVE A NICE JOURNEY.
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