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In the ears :)
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Apr 28, 2011 12:21 pm
785 Views
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This is a short story written by Dr Kishore Shah.... he is a gynaecologist in Pune and a very gifted writer....enjoy this extremely funny story.
My wife is an ENT Surgeon while I am a Gynaecologist. This can lead to some complications, as I recently learned to my anguish.
A General Practitioner called me up and told me that she is sending a patient of hers for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also referred a female with earwax for removal of the wax to my wife.
I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she was expected (and expecting!) As Murphy lays down the laws of our hospital, it was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax removed from her ear, landed up with me.
This is the conversation that I had with the patient.
"Please come in. Be seated." I said with a big smile. I always have a big smile, when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a feeble smile and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. "Relax."
"Doctor, will this hurt a lot?"
"Not at all."
The patient relaxed visibly. "You know something, Doctor, we tried removing it at home, but failed."
I was shocked. "Thank God. Trying this at home can cause serious complications."
"I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just wouldn't budge."
I smiled and said, "If it were that easy, who would
need doctors?"
She gave a cute smile and said, "Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove it with his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin."
"Oh my God!"
"Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick."
My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered
without uttering a word.
"Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me?"
I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too much. I replied a bit angrily, "There are tablets which can prevent this happening. Or you could use protection at night."
Now it was the patient's turn to be confused, "You mean to say that it happens only at night?"
I saw her point. "No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are in the mood, you should use protection."
She was even more confused, "It depends on my moods?"
Again I saw her point.. "My mistake. You need not be in any sort of mood. It just happens."
"My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by the roadside."
"You mean that pin man?"
"Yeah!"
This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides using pins, he was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew was among the pins. "You were wise not to heed his advice."
"But I tried his other advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and wait. However, that also did not work."
This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be locked up either in a padded cell or a barred one.
"But have you taken your husband's permission?"
Now the patient looked confused. "Do I have to take my husband's
permission? Because if you need his sign, he is working in Dubai . We were not able to meet for the last one year.."
It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was
one of 'those' cases. The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the usual suspect. I reassured her. "No! No! The husband's sign is not at all needed."
"However, I did inform him on phone."
Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. I
didn't know whether to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily turned to other aspects. "Its good that you came a bit early."
"Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but I
had some other work."
"Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you had delayed this removal, it would have started moving. Then it would have developed a heartbeat."
The patient was staring at me wide eyed as if watching a horror movie. Looking at her face, I decided that she was not fit to listen to the grotesque details.
I decided to relieve her a bit. I said, "You will bleed a bit, but only for a few days."
By now, the poor patient was trembling, "how-H-How much bleeding?"
"Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, and it will continue only for a week or so."
By now the patient was clutching her hair in her fingers and staring at me wide-eyed. I asked her soothingly, "Why don't you lie down on the examination table? Remove your clothes and relax."
This was the final straw. She didn't even wish me goodbye. I saw just a blur of motion leaving my consulting room at top speed.
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Unusual event :)
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Apr 27, 2011 11:58 am
795 Views
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The composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event that happened during the past week.
Little Johnny got up and read his essay.
It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..."
"My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?"
"He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday.
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3
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Southern lady
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Apr 22, 2011 9:05 pm
813 Views
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The Southern Lady
Two nicely dressed happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait at the Los Angeles International Airport.
The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man.
The second was a well-mannered elderly lady from the South.
When the conversation drifted to whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."
"Well, isn't that precious," commented the lady from the South.
The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz."
Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious."
The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was
born, my husband bought this exquisite diamond bracelet."
And, again, the Southern landy commented, "Well, isn't that precious."
The first woman then asked the Southern lady, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"
"My husband sent me to charm school," said the Southern lady.
"Oh, my God! What on Earth for?" asked the first woman.
"Well, for example," the Southern lady replied, "instead of saying, 'Who gives a sh!t!' I learned to say, 'Well, isn't that precious."
 
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4
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The Ocean
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Apr 19, 2011 11:25 am
711 Views
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CHILDREN WRITING ABOUT THE OCEAN...
The next time you take an oceanography course, you will be totally prepared.
1) - THIS IS A PICTURE OF AN OCTOPUS. IT HAS EIGHT TESTICLES. (KELLY, AGE 6 )
2) - OYSTERS' BALLS ARE CALLED PEARLS. (JERRY, AGE 6)
3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mike, age 7)
4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson . She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)
5) - A DOLPHIN BREATHS THROUGH AN ASSHOLE ON THE TOP OF ITS HEAD. (BILLY, AGE 
6) - MY UNCLE GOES OUT IN HIS BOAT WITH 2 OTHER MEN AND A WOMAN AND POTS AND COMES BACK WITH CRABS. (MILLIE, AGE 6)
7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)
8. ) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)
9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is
always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)
10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers.
(Christopher, age 7)
11) - WHEN YOU GO SWIMMING IN THE OCEAN, IT IS VERY COLD, AND IT MAKES MY WILLY SMALL. (KEVIN, AGE 6)
12)- Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age
13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)
14) - THE OCEAN IS MADE UP OF WATER AND FISH. WHY THE FISH DON'T DROWN I DON'T KNOW. (BOBBY, AGE 6)
15) - MY DAD WAS A SAILOR ON THE OCEAN. HE KNOWS ALL ABOUT THE
OCEAN. WHAT HE DOESN'T KNOW IS WHY HE QUIT BEING A SAILOR AND
MARRIED MY MOM. (JAMES, AGE 7)
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Letter :)
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Apr 14, 2011 10:54 am
804 Views
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Beautiful letter written by a father to his son! This applies to daughters too.
Use this in your teachings to your children.
The words are actually applicable to all of us, young or old, children or parents.!
=======================================================================
Dear Son,
I am writing this to you because of 3 reasons
1.Life, fortune and mishaps are unpredictable, nobody knows how long he lives. Some words are better said early.
2. I am your father, and if I don't tell you these, no one else will.
3. What is written is my own personal bitter experiences that perhaps could save you a lot of unnecessary heartaches.
Remember the following as you go through life
1. Do not bear grudge towards those who are not good to you. No one has the responsibility of treating you well, except your mother and I. To those who are good to you, you have to treasure it and be thankful, and ALSO you have to be cautious, because, everyone has a motive for every move. When a person is good to you, it does not mean he really likes you. You have to be careful, don't hastily regard him as a real friend.
2. No one is indispensable, nothing in the world that you must possess. Once you understand this idea, it would be easier for you to go through life when people around you don't want you anymore, or when you lose what/who you love most.
3. Life is short. When you waste your life today, tomorrow you would find that life is leaving you. The earlier you treasure your life, the better you enjoy life.
4. Love is but a transient feeling, and this feeling would fade with time and with one's mood. If your so called loved one leaves you, be patient, time will wash away your aches and sadness. Don't over exaggerate the beauty and sweetness of love, and don't over exaggerate the sadness of falling out of love.
5. A lot of successful people did not receive a good education, that does not mean that you can be successful by not studying hard! Whatever knowledge you gain is your weapon in life. One can go from rags to riches, but one has to start from some rags!
6. I do not expect you to financially support me when I am old, either would I financially support your whole life. My responsibility as a supporter ends when you are grown up. After that, you decide whether you want to travel in a public transport or in your limousine, whether rich or poor.
7. You honour your words, but don't expect others to be so. You can be good to people, but don't expect people to be good to you. If you don't understand this, you would end up with unnecessary troubles.
8. I have bought lotteries for umpteen years, but I never strike any prize. That shows if you want to be rich, you have to work hard! There is no free lunch!
9. No matter how much time I have with you, let's treasure the time we have together. We do not know if we would meet again in our next life.
Your Ever loving Dad.
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My Doctor
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Apr 11, 2011 12:22 pm
861 Views
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MY DOCTOR...
Let me tell you about my doctor.He's very good!If you tell him you want a second opinion,He'll go out and come in again.
~~~~~
He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years before he realized she was Chinese.
~~~~~
Another time, he gave a patient six months to live.At the end of the six months, the patient hadn't paid his bill, So, the doctor gave him another six months.
~~~~~
While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said,"Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible."The doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him."
~~~~~
Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled,"Doctor, doctor! - my son just swallowed a roll of film!"The doctor calmly replied, "Let's just wait and see what develops."
~~~~~
One patient came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem."The doctor asked, "When did it start?"The man replied, "When did what start?"
~~~~~
I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears. His advice: "Don't answer it."
~~~~~
My doctor sure has his share of nut cases.One said to him, "Doctor, I think I'm a bell."The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Here, take these -If they don't work, give me a ring."
~~~~~
Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards.The doctor simply said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later."
~~~~~
When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places,He told me to stop going to those places.
~~~~~
You know, doctors can be so frustrating.You wait a month and a half for an appointment,Then he says, "I wish you had come to me sooner."
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Service :)
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Apr 6, 2011 11:32 am
801 Views
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One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Andrew standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque.
It was covered with names and small Canadian flags mounted on either side of it.
The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Good morning Andrew.'
'Good morning Pastor,' he replied, still focused on the plaque. 'Pastor, what is this?'
The pastor said, 'Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.'
Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Andrew's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked,
"Which service . . . the 8:30 or the 10:00?"
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You are a Masterpiece
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Mar 31, 2011 12:27 pm
856 Views
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You Are A Masterpiece
- Sri Sri Ravi Shankar (The Art of Living)
"A plum once said, 'just because a banana lover came by, I converted myself into a banana.
Unfortunately, his taste changed after a few months and so I became an orange.
When he said I was bitter I became an apple, but he went in search of grapes.
Yielding to the opinions of so many people, I have changed so many
times that I no more know who I am.
How I wish I had remained a plum and waited for a plum lover.'
Just because a group of people do not accept you as you are, there is no necessity for you to strip yourself off your originality.
You need to think Good of yourself, for the world takes you at your own estimate.
Never stoop down in order to gain recognition.
Never let go of your true self to win a relationship.
In the long run, you will regret that you traded your greatest Glory - your uniqueness, for momentary validation.
Even Gandhi was not accepted by many people.
The group that does not accept you as YOU is not Your world.
There is a world for each one of you, where you shall reign as king /queen by just being yourself.
Find that world... In fact, that world will find You.
What water can do, gasoline cannot and what copper can, gold cannot.
The fragility of the ant enables it to move and the rigidity of the tree enables it to stay rooted.
Everything and everybody has been designed with a Proportion of
uniqueness to serve a purpose that we can fulfill only by being our unique self.
You as you alone can serve your purpose and I as I Alone can serve my purpose. You are here to be you... Just YOU.
There was a time in this world when a Krishna was required and he was sent;
A time when a Christ was required and he was sent;
a time when a Mahatma was Required and he was sent;
a time when a J.R.D.Tata was required and he was Sent.
There came a time when you were required on this planet and hence you were sent.
Let us be the best we can be.
In the history of the universe, there has been nobody like you and to the infinity of time to come, there will be no one like you.
Existence should have loved you so much that it broke the mould after making you, so that another of your kind will never get repeated.
You are original. You are rare. You are unique. You are a wonder. You are a masterpiece. .. Your Master's piece. Celebrate your Uniqueness."
You are you, your own self, don’t change for others, for this is NOT even their world.
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Small ones :)
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Mar 28, 2011 11:09 am
901 Views
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( ha ha ha......this was so funny....I had to share it here )
THE B@@B POEM
Oh I wish I had boobs that would wobble.
Mine just stay still in one place;
In the breast hall of fame
You won't see my name
For my boobs there would be a disgrace.
Sure boobs of my size have their merit
They're easy to fit with a bra.
And when I go for a dip
You won't see one slip,
They stay put just where they are.
And I'm not one to seek much attention
So you won't find me strutting about
In a boob tube that's trying
by gravity defying
to leave no room, not even for doubt.
But I sure envy big breasted women,
I've seen them at parties you know;
With all confidence thrust
In their mighty big bust
Entrancing the men as they go.
Though I've heard from a big bossomed buddy
That it's not all it's cracked up to be
She says in frustration
"Try to hold conversation
When there's only two things a guy sees."
Now if I paid a few grand to enlarge them
To, say thirty-six b or c
Would they still look so natural
Could I class them as collateral
Sorta like home improvements on me?
Now I've not taken this boob thing just lightly
I've done quite a bit of research
I try to keep abreast
In my mammary quest
I've found there's a bit to be learned,
There's questions that need to be answered
Like cleavage, how wide and how deep
I can have nipples bigger
But somehow I figure
That could poke Sweetie's eye in his sleep.
Oh, I wish I had boobs that were awesome
I'd buy a bright red bathing suit
On the beach I would run
In slow motion for fun
To show off my best attribute.
Now don't think I'd just get them for vanity
There's much I'd aspire to do
I could feed many babies
When I was lactating
For convenience, I could offer drive-thru
In a t-shirt I'd test air conditioning
They could 'see' if they had it too low
And if I stood outside
My breasts pumped up with pride
Cops'd use me to stop traffic flow!
Well you can see I've a lot to consider
For the big plunge, I need some more time
So I'll keep you updated
But for now they're just fated
To stay as they are for a while.
And there's my sweetie who totally accepts me
For he loves each and every little bit
He says "stay as you are
You're the most beautiful by far."
As he gazes into my eyes -- not my tits
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Answers :)
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Mar 26, 2011 1:43 am
836 Views
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God Answers
The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.
Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect himself from the elements, and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky.
The worst had happened ~everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger. God, how could you do this to me he cried. Early the next day, however, he was wakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island.
It had come to rescue him. How did you know I was here asked the weary man of his rescuers. We saw your smoke signal, they replied.
It's easy to get discouraged sometimes when things appear to be going badly. But we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of pain and suffering. Remember, next time your little hut is burning to the ground, it just may be a smoke signal that summons the grace of God.
For all the negative things we have to say to ourselves, God has a positive answer for it.
Share this on, you never know whose life may be in need of this today. There are some times when we all feel our huts are burning.
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