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Interesting :)
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Feb 6, 2012 3:47 am
60 Views
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Some interesting and revealing incidents from the life of Albert Einstein who was recently honored by Time magazine as the Man of the Century.
One day during a speaking tour, Albert Einstein's driver, who often sat at the back of the hall during his lectures, remarked that he could probably give the lecture himself, having heard it so many times. Sure enough, at the next stop on the tour, Einstein and the driver switched places, with Einstein sitting at the back in his driver's uniform.
Having delivered a flawless lecture, the driver was asked a difficult question by a member of the audience. "Well, the answer to that question is quite simple," he casually replied. "I bet my driver, sitting up at the back there, could answer it!"
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Albert Einstein's wife often suggested that he dress more professionally when he headed off to work. "Why should I?" he would invariably argue. "Everyone knows me there." When the time came for Einstein to attend his first major conference, she begged him to dress up a bit. "Why should I?" said Einstein. "No one knows me there!"
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Albert Einstein was often asked to explain the general theory of relativity. "Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour," he once declared. "Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity!"
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When Albert Einstein was working in Princeton university, one day he was going back home he forgot his home address. The driver of the cab did not recognise him. Einstein asked the driver if he knows Einstein's home. The driver said "Who does not know Einstein's address? Everyone in Princeton knows.Do you want to meet him?. Einstein replied "I am Einstein. I forgot my home address, can you take me there? "The driver reached him to his home and did not even collect his fare from him.
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Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn't find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn't there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn't find it. Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn't find it.
The conductor said, 'Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I'm sure you bought a ticket. Don't worry about it.'
Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket.
The conductor rushed back and said, 'Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don't worry, I know who you are. No problem. You don't need a ticket. I'm sure you bought one.'
Einstein looked at him and said, 'Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don't know is where I'm going.'
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Answer to Everything
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Jan 18, 2012 8:01 am
338 Views
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A priest was lecturing on the Bible one Sunday morning.
He said to the congregation, "You know, the Bible has an answer for everything. The reason for that is that the people in the Bible have all, at one time or another, been in the same situations you have."
"Even PMS?" a woman asked.
"Yes, I assure you, PMS is in there. Tell you what, I'll look for it
and tell you the passage at Mass next week."
So everyone goes home, and the priest is looking for the passage and Sunday comes around.
He gets in front of the congregation and begins his Homily in Mass. "People, I have found the passage in the Bible referring to PMS."
"Really, Father? Where?" the lady asked.
"It's right here in this passage where it says, 'And Mary rode
Joseph's a$$ all the way to Bethlehem'."
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3
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Some Old Some New
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Jan 16, 2012 11:58 am
376 Views
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BRITISH HUMOUR IS DIFFERENT
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer �100.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
**** And the WINNER is... ****
FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, �200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
Statement of the Century
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly.
"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,
How come they can't have a headache and seks at the same time?"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Children Are Quick
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TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
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TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
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6
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Dirty Laundry
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Jan 12, 2012 7:33 am
527 Views
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Dirty Laundry.....
A young couple moved into a new neighborhood.
The next morning while they were eating breakfast, the young woman saw her neighbor hanging the wash outside.
"That laundry is not very clean," she said. "She doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap."
Her husband looked on, but remained silent.
Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.
About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean
wash on the line and said to her husband, "Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder, who taught her this?"
The husband said, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows !!"
We will see clearly only if we clean our own eyes first.
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7
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Naming the baby :)
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Jan 9, 2012 9:59 am
575 Views
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The name of the baby
A 16-year-old girl finally had the opportunity to go to a party by herself. Since she was very good-looking, she was a bit nervous about what to do if boys hit on her.
Her mom said, "It's very easy! Whenever a boy starts hitting on you, you ask him, 'What will be the name of our baby?' That'll scare them off."
So off she went. After a little while at the party, a boy started dancing with her, and little by little he started kissing her and touching her. She asked him, "What will our baby be called?" The boy found some excuse and disappeared.
Some time later, the same thing happened again: a boy started to kiss her neck, her shoulders... She stopped him and asked about the baby's name, and he ran off.
Later on, another boy invited her for a walk. After a few minutes, he started kissing her, and she asked him, "What will our baby be called?" He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off. "What will our baby be called?" she asked once more. He began to have seks with her. "What will our baby be called?!" she asked again.
After he was done, he took off his "full" con-dom, gave it a knot, and said, "If he gets out of this one... Call him.........David Copperfield
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7
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Crabs :)
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Dec 26, 2011 11:15 am
712 Views
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A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde, female crew member to take care of the box for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.
He pointedly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, mentioned that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up ... so she took them home, cooked them and ate them.
There are two lessons here,
1. Men never learn.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most men would like to think.
[Slang usage of the phrase 'the crabs' mean an unspecified venereal disease. ]
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5
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Golf lessons :)
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Dec 11, 2011 10:00 am
884 Views
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A foursome of guys is waiting at the tee, waiting for a foursome of women ,ahead of them , to hit their 'balls' and move on ...
The ladies are taking their time.
When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it 10 feet. Then she goes over and misses it completely. Then she hacks it another ten feet and finally hacks it another five feet.
She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically, "I guess all those f___ing lessons I took over
the winter didn't help."
One of the men replies, "Well, you should have taken golf lessons instead"
He never had a chance to duck !
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3
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Best sense of humour :)
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Dec 9, 2011 7:50 am
951 Views
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Drunks have the best sense of humor
A drunk from Newfoundland walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth.
A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,
"Can I help you Sir?"
"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the Newfie replies.
The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"
"It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the Newfie replies.
About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's willy hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.
He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
Momentarily confused, the drunk Newfie looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out....
"Holy shit! me girlfriend's gone, too!!
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3
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Leisurely Dining :)
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Dec 5, 2011 6:24 am
945 Views
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Leisurely dining
A man and woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant.
They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.
Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.
Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware her dining companion had disappeared.
The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.”
The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't. He just walked in the door.
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