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LITTLE BOY (NOT ME) TRYING TO OUTWIT GOD
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Apr 19, 2011 9:05 am
625 Views
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It happens to be a first person narration and not me; just a clarification.
I told GOD… Let all my friends be healthy and happy forever…!
GOD said: But for 4 days only….!
I said: Yes, let them be a Spring Day, Summer Day, Autumn Day, and Winter Day.
GOD said: 3 days..
I said: Yes, Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.
GOD said: No, 2 days!
I said: Yes, a Bright Day (Daytime) and Dark Day (Night-time).
GOD said: No, just 1 day!
I said: Yes!
GOD asked: Which day?
I said: Every Day in the living years of all my friends!
GOD laughed, and said: All your friends will be healthy and happy Every Day.
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DOCTORS
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Apr 10, 2011 9:56 pm
581 Views
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Two doctors of two different specialties decided they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel.
Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist
(please look it up !). They put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors". The town council was livid and insisted they change it.
So, the doctors changed it to read: "Schizoids and Haemorrhoids" - this was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign.
"Catatonics and High Colonics"......No go.
Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal etentives"....thumbs down again.
Then came "Minds and Behinds"....still no good.
Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes" ----- unacceptable again.
So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts".....not a chance.
"Nuts and Butts".....no way.
"Freaks and Cheeks".....still no good.
"Loons and Moons".....forget it.
Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with:
"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones -- Odds and Ends"
Everyone loved it.
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ODOMETER AT 90
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Apr 10, 2011 7:06 am
570 Views
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Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio .
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
Its estimated 93% won't share this. If you are one of the 7% who will, please share this with the title '7%'.
I'm in the 7%. Friends are the family that we choose.
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THE HUNDRED DOLLAR RAT STORY
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Apr 9, 2011 9:58 pm
553 Views
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An Indian tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotic pieces, he notices a very lifelike,
life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it.
He takes it to the owner, "How much for the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the story," says the owner.
The tourist gives the man twelve dollars. and says, "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."
As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, he notices that a few real rats crawl out of the alleys and sewers and begin following him down the street. This is disconcerting; he begins walking faster.
Within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind him grows to hundreds, and they begin squealing.
He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the millions, and are still squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.
Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay and throws the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he can. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay.
after it, and are all drowned.
The man walks back to the curio shop.
"Ah ha," says the owner, "You have come back for the Story?"
"No," says the man, "I came back to see if you have a statue of an Indian, a Chinese and a Pakistani politician in bronze so that we all have a pleasant neighbourhood!!"
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WATCH WHAT YOU ASK FOR
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Apr 5, 2011 7:22 am
618 Views
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Sharing with you a story that I just received.
Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship.
One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"
The Fairy Godmother replied, "Well, Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"
Cinderella is overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish:
"I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension."
Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold.
Cinderella was stunned. Alan, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear.
Cinderella said, "Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!"
The Fairy Godmother replied, "It's the least I can do. What does your heart wish for your second wish?"
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I were young and full of the beauty of youth again."
At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage returned.
Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years and long forgotten vigor and vitality began to course through her very soul.
Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke. "You have one more wish, what will you have?" Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said, "I wish you to transform Alan my old cat into a beautiful, and handsome young man."
Magically, Alan suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up, that when complete he stood before her, a boy, so beautiful the like of which she nor the world had ever seen, so fair indeed that birds begun to fall from the sky at his feet.
The Fairy Godmother again spoke. "Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life." And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.
For a few eerie moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen.
Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular arms.
He leaned in close to her ear, whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath, "I bet you regret having me neutered now, don't you?
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HOW DO YOU KNOW YOUR MOUNTAINEERING ADDICTION ??
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Apr 5, 2011 2:37 am
557 Views
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You insist to others that you really buy climbing magazines for the articles
When self arrest doesn't mean you turn yourself in to the police station
Your gear rack is worth more than your house
Your bivouac bag remains set up in your bedroom
When you holiday in the death zone rather than the tropical zone
The majority of your "friends" are hanging on your rack
A Kanchenjunga topo is on your living room wall
You no longer have anything in common with most other people
All your relatives keep referring to you as the crazy one in the family
You keep finding carabiners all around your house and in your car
Your spare bedroom looks like the local blacksmith shop out of business
The first thing you find in your house to toast marshmallows with is an ice screw
The contents of your pack cost more than your wedding,
and your honeymoon includes "candlelight" dinners, during a bivouac at sixteen thousand feet
When your pets are named after famous mountains
You refuse to date anyone who doesn't know how to belay
You decorate your house with training holds all over the ceiling and walls
When clicking down this page, you feel your finger tendons hurt from yesterdays unreasonable boulder session
When your friends won't go hiking with you anymore because you spend to much time grading the surrounding peaks
You have replaced the posters in your kids room with topo's of Nanda Devi and K2 (Godwin Austin)
Your tent is worth more than your car
Your girlfriend/boyfriend breaks up with you for shouting climbing terms during sex
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TEN GIFTS THAT COST NOTHING
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Apr 1, 2011 5:56 pm
703 Views
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The Gift of Listening:
But you must really listen. No interrupting, no daydreaming, no planning your response. Just listening.
The Gift of Affection:
Be generous with appropriate hugs, kisses, pats on the back and hand-holds. Let these small actions demonstrate the love you have for family and friends.
The Gift of Laughter:
Clip cartoons. Share articles and funny stories. Your gift will say, "1 love to laugh with you."
The Gift of a Written Note:
A brief, handwritten note may be remembered for a lifetime, and may even change a life.
The Gift of a Compliment:
A simple and sincere, "You look great in red," "You did a super job" or "That was a wonderful meal" can make someone’s day.
The Gift of a Favor:
Every day, go out of your way to do something kind.
The Gift of Solitude:
There are times when we want nothing better than to be left alone. Be sensitive to those times and give the gift of solitude to others.
The Gift of a Cheerful Disposition:
The easiest way to feel good is to extend a kind word to someone, really it’s not that hard to say, Hello or Thank You.
- Anonymous
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HEAVEN OR HELL
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Mar 27, 2011 9:28 pm
628 Views
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"I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell ----- you see, I have very dear friends in both the places."
-- Mark Twain
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THE COFFEE CUPS
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Mar 26, 2011 8:05 am
668 Views
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A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.
Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.
When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said:
"If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress."
"Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink."
"What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each others' cups."
"Now consider this: Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of Life we live.
Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us."
God brews the coffee, not the cups... Enjoy your coffee!
"The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything."
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
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HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN AND A MAN HAPPY
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Mar 24, 2011 6:26 pm
642 Views
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Sharing with you something that I came across - truth is unverified though partially experienced  .
To make a woman happy ..... A man only needs to be:
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO :
44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* Birthdays
* Anniversaries
* Arrangements she makes
&
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:
1. Leave him alone
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