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LIGHT A CANDLE
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Feb 7, 2012 4:14 pm
38 Views
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Sharing with all of you, My Friends, my read of last night.
Light a Candle with Intention -
Lighting a candle for a particular purpose or intention is practiced worldwide from people of all walks of life. Lighting a candle symbolizes bringing light to our wishes or desires. A candle can be lit as a prayer for peace or a request for healing.
People of various faiths, especially Christians, believe that lighting a candle symbolizes the light of Christ. Dr. Usui, the founder of Reiki, was said to have walked through the streets of Tokyo with a lighted lantern in the daylight as a beacon for attracting Reiki students. We light candles on top of our birthday cakes in celebration of each cherished year of our lives.
Lighted candles are reflections of our emotional self and help to illuminate our hearts when we feel burdened. You are invited to reflect on whatever is resonating within you at this the moment and light a candle below. Choose from four candles: affirmation candle, prayer candle, blessing candle, and gratitude candle.
Affirmation
Before you light an affirmation candle sit in silence for a moment. Release any thoughts of negativity from your mind. Allow only positive thoughts to live there. Close your eyes and see the world filled with only happiness and prosperity. Silently make a heartfelt affirmation statement. Open your eyes. Light the candle.
Prayer Request
You may light a prayer candle for yourself, another person, or for a situation. Bow your head in quiet solitude. Direct your prayer to God, Allah, the angels, the universe, your higher self, or to whatever source from where you draw your spiritual strength from. Say a prayer in silence. It helps to repeat this statement before you light the candle: "I ask for this to serve the highest good of all concerned." Release your need to have your prayer answered in a particular way, allowing spirit to find the best light path. Light the candle.
Offer Blessing
We want to help others but do not always know the best way to act. Offering a blessing is a way to enlighten the situation and help you find the right answer. The answer may be that there is nothing for you to do. Some of the toughest life lessons are to learned through our own experience without intervention of others. By offering a blessing you are acknowledging your desire to help. Recognize that that there are blessings in everything, even those most difficult life challenges. Offer your blessing and release it to the universe. Light the candle.
Give Gratitude
Are you able to recognize the good things about your life? When life circumstances are causing you pain or anguish it can be trying to look for that silver lining in the rain cloud. But, it is there. Rejoice in the smallest gestures that bring a smile. It may be a flower blooming at your feet, the sound of a child's laughter, or a lovely card sent to your from a kind friend. Take a moment and quiet your troubled thoughts and change focus to a small goodness. Be grateful. Light the candle.
LET US ALL LIGHT A CANDLE TO MAKE OUR WORLD A PLACE OF HAPPINESS, FILLED WITH LOVE, GOOD HEALTH AND LAUGHTER FOR ALL BEINGS.
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PRIESTS IN HAWAII
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Feb 2, 2012 1:00 am
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Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a REAL vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning they headed for the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb. They were sitting on their beach chairs, enjoying a drink when all of a sudden this "drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight toward them. They couldn't help staring.
As she passed by she smiled and said, "Good Morning, Father, Good Morning, Father" nodding and addressing each of them individually.
They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?
The next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. This time they were so loud, you could hear them coming before you could see them. Again, they settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine.
After a while, the same gorgeous blond came strolling by. This time her bikini was even more daring. They were really glad that they were wearing sunglasses, because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads.
As she approached, she again nodded and said, "Good morning, Father, Good morning, Father," and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it. "Wait, please young lady. Yes, we are priests and proud of it, but I have to know - how in the world could you tell that we are both priests?"
"Father, it's me, Sister Angela."
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DIRTY JOKES
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Jan 27, 2012 1:36 am
166 Views
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FOUND A DEAD CAT
A Junior School pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead.
“How do you know that the cat was dead?” she asked her pupil.
“Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently.
“You did WHAT?! ?” the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
“You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘Pssst!’ and it didn’t move.”
CAMPING
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip.
After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" Holmes asked,Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
"What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.
"Watson, you idiot. Somebody has stolen our tent!"
MEMORY LESSONS
It seems that this old couple are having trouble remembering
things, so they sign up for a memory course. The course is
wonderful; they come home and tell all their relatives, friends,
and neighbours about it. Some months later, a neighbour approaches
the man as he tends the garden.
Neighbour asks, "Say, Ed, what was the name of the
instructor of that memory course you liked so much?"
Ed replies, "Well, it was...hmmm...let me think a minute...
What's the name of that flower, you know,
the one that smells so nice, but has thorns on the stems...?
Neighbour says, "You mean a rose?"
Ed replies, "Yeah, that's it!...(shouting toward house)
Hey,Rose, what was that memory course instructor's name?
INSURANCE POLICY
Vandals had set fire to a farmers haystack which then spread to his barn.
While he surveyed the wreckage, his wife called their insurance company
and asked them to send a check the amount of insurance on the barn.
“We don’t give you the money,” a company official explained.
“We replace the barn and all the equipment in it.”
“In that case,” replied the wife, “cancel the policy I have on my husband.”
REDNECK TRUCKERS
Two Country truck drivers are barreling along when they come up to a low bridge.
A sign says, "Clearance: 11"2'." So they get out, measure their truck, and realize that it's 11"6'.
So the first GUY looks at the second GUY and says, "I don't see any cops around....let's go for it!"
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WOMEN TALK - LADIES YOUR OPINION WANTED AND GENTLEMENS' OBSERVATIONS
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Jan 22, 2012 5:33 pm
207 Views
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Keywords and their meanings:
"Fine":
This is the word a woman uses at the end of any argument that she feels she is right about but needs to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
"Five minutes":
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
"Nothing":
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".
"Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows):
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
"Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows):
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
"Loud Sigh":
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
"Soft Sigh":
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.
"Oh":
This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that we can't bring ourselves to write about them.
"That's Okay":
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
"Please Do":
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".
"Thanks":
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you're welcome.
"Thanks a lot":
This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".
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GOD HAS A SENSE OF HUMOUR !!
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Jan 22, 2012 1:56 am
185 Views
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A flood was coming and Bob a man of faith was watching the water come his house. Bob prayed for God to rescue him. A neighbor came by on a raft and said "get in I'll save you!" Bob said "No I am waiting on God to save me!" His neighbor went past, now the water was raising fast! The water was rushing past his second story window! A ship came by and offered help but Bob refused saying, "I have faith God will save me!" Finely as Bob stood on his roof a helicopter came and shouted down "Grab the ladder!" Bob said "No God will save me!" They left and Bob was washed away, Bob meets Jesus judgement day and says "What happened I waited for you to save me?" Jesus responded "Bob I sent you a raft, a ship and a helicopter! What more did you want? The coast guard?"
There was a young couple very much in love. On the night before they were to be married, both were killed in an automobile accident. They found themselves at the pearly gates of heaven being escorted in by St. Peter. After a couple of weeks in heaven, the prospective groom took St. Peter aside and said, "St. Peter, my fiancee and I are very happy to be in heaven, but we miss very much the opportunity to have our wedding vows celebrated. Is it possible for people in heaven to get married?" St. Peter looked at him and said, "I'm sorry, I've never heard of anyone in heaven wanting to get married. I'm afraid you'll have to talk to the Lord God Almighty about that. I can get you an appointment in two weeks from Wednesday." Come the appointed day, the couple was escorted by the guardian angels into the presence of the Lord God Almighty, where they repeated the request. The Lord looked at them solemnly and said, "I tell you what; wait a year and if you still want to get married, come back and we will talk about it again." A year went by and the couple, still very much wanting to get married, came back. Again, the Lord God Almighty said, "I'm sorry to disappoint you, but you must wait another year, and then I will consider your request." This happened year after year, for ten years. Each time they reasserted their yearning to be married; each time God put them off for another year. In the tenth year, they came before they Lord God Almighty to ask again. This time the Lord answered, "Yes, you may marry! This Saturday at 2:00 p.m. We will have a beautiful ceremony in the main chapel. The reception will be on me!" The wedding went off without a hitch. The bride looked beautiful. The Buddha did the flower arrangements for which Moses wove simple yet elegant baskets. Jesus prepared the fish course. All of heaven's denizens attended, and a good time was had by all. Tragically, but perhaps inevitably, within a few weeks, the newlyweds realized that they had made a horrible mistake. They simply couldn't stay married to one another. So they made another appointment to see the Lord God Almighty. Groveling and frightened, they asked if they could get a divorce. The Lord heard their request, looked at them, and said, "Look, it took us TEN YEARS to find a priest up here in heaven. Do you have any idea how long it'll take us to find a lawyer?"
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ARMY CHIEF - WHY DO I STILL SERVE YOU ??
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Jan 17, 2012 8:25 pm
254 Views
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Seeing the COAS's date of birth case, an Army daughter, a brilliant brat, wrote this and sent it to me - sharing it with you all, My Friends, on IFF :-
Why do I still serve you?
How you play with us, did you ever see?
At Seven, I h...ad decided what I wanted to be;
I would serve you to the end,
All these boundaries I would defend.
Now you make me look like a fool,
When at seventeen and just out of school;
Went to the place where they made "men out of boys"
Lived a tough life …sacrificed a few joys…
In those days, I would see my "civilian" friends,
Living a life with the fashion trends;
Enjoying their so called "college days"
While I sweated and bled in the sun and haze…
But I never thought twice about what where or why
All I knew was when the time came, I'd be ready to do or die.
At 21 and with my commission in hand,
Under the glory of the parade and the band,
I took the oath to protect you over land, air or sea,
And make the supreme sacrifice when the need came to be.
I stood there with a sense of recognition,
But on that day I never had the premonition,
that when the time came to give me my due,
You'd just say, "What is so great that you do?"
Long back you promised a well-to-do life;
And when I'm away, take care of my wife.
You came and saw the hardships I live through,
And I saw you make a note or two,
And I hoped you would realise the worth of me;
but now I know you'll never be able to see,
Because you only see the glorified life of mine,
Did you see the place where death looms all the time?
Did you meet the man standing guard in the snow?
The name of his newborn he does not know...
Did you meet the man whose father breathed his last?
While the sailor patrolled our seas so vast?
You still know I'll not be the one to raise my voice
I will stand tall and protect you in Punjab Himachal and Thois.
But that's just me you have in the sun and rain,
For now at twenty-four, you make me think again;
About the decision I made, seven years back;
Should I have chosen another life, some other track?
Will I tell my son to follow my lead?
Will I tell my son, you'll get all that you need?
This is the country you will serve
This country will give you all that you deserve?
I heard you tell the world "India is shining"
I told my men, that's a reason for us to be smiling
This is the India you and I will defend!
But tell me how long will you be able to pretend?
You go on promise all that you may,
But it's the souls of your own men you betray.
Did you read how some of our eminent citizens
Write about me and ridicule my very existence?
I ask you to please come and see what I do,
Come and have a look at what I go through
Live my life just for a day
Maybe you'll have something else to say?
I will still risk my life without a sigh
To keep your flag flying high
but today I ask myself a question or two…
Oh India…. Why do I still serve you?
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TYPICAL MATRIMONIALS BY PROFESSIONALS - INDIA STYLE
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Jan 15, 2012 2:46 pm
308 Views
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SOFTWARE ENGINEERS:
Wanted a Girl with a Lovely Look & Feel, Good GUI with Security features(privileges only for the Specific User especially critical Functionalities) .
There must not be any Critical or Medium Bug in her. Low Bugs can be deferred But needs to B fixed by the Next Build.
She must _NOT_ be PLATFORM INDEPENDENT or USER FRIENDLY.
We are ready to Test the Application & CERTIFY the product but we will assure it will never be released to ANY OTHER Customer.
DOCTOR:
Recently a love-bug injected in me a strange bacteria, making me desirous of marriage. I'm looking for a girl who is patient and has knowledge of all ills and pills, is religious minded and keeps away from all sins be it anasin, metasin or crosin. I promise to be a good doctor with no side effects. Apply or reply.
LAWYER:
I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objection will be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence.
BANKER:
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.
DRUNKARD:
Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a soda factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come home. Friends come home only seven times a week. Girl preferred will have to carry me home from bar frequently. Meet personally or send soda for trial. Sample should be ample.
CAR MECHANIC:
Wanted a sturdy wife. Should be in working condition. Should be above average and must run the household at a good average..... .......
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CHICKENS AND POLITICIANS
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Jan 11, 2012 5:48 pm
365 Views
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Sharing with you a forward.
John was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Saint Lawrence County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "NoBell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "PulletSurprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.
Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
Vote carefully in the next election, the bells are not always audible.
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LIFE
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Jan 7, 2012 5:30 am
361 Views
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"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass...It is about learning to dance in the rain!"
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SOME FUNNY SNIPPETS
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Jan 4, 2012 3:53 pm
428 Views
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I’ll never marry in my life and I’ll give same advice to my children also.
Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal.
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Helpful Policeman: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
A blonde was being admonished by the doctor: Until the penicillin cleans out your infection, you are to have no relations whatsoever!
Pausing for a moment, the blonde replied: Ok, but what about friends & neighbors?
I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she’s interested in.
She said: Cheque books.
The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the cigarettes I smoked, i feel ashamed. Then I look into the cigarette & think about the workers in the cigrette factory & all of their hopes & dreams. If I dont smoke this cigarette, they might be out of work & their dreams would be shattered, Then I say to myself, it’s better that I smoke this cigarette & let their dreams come true then be selfish & worry about my LUNGS.
Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived.
The judge called for orderly testimony.
“I’ll hear the oldest first,” he decreed.
The case was closed for lack of evidence.
A French guest, staying in a hotel in New York, phoned room service for some pepper.
“Black pepper, or white pepper?” asked the concierge.
“Toilette pepper!” said the Frenchman.
What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.
My domestic help thinks “freedom of the press” means no-iron clothes.
When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it’s called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it’s called an election.
A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession…even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house.
After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, “Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!”
A boy tells his mom that he seen a boy & a girl sitting at the top of the roof & kissing. Then his mom tell him that they are gonna get married.
Then the boy asks his mom: When is dad gonna marry the maid?
“Take a pencil and paper,” the teacher said, “and write an essay with the title ‘If I Were a Millionaire’”
Everyone but Philip, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write furiously.
“What’s the matter,” the teacher asked. “Why don’t you begin?”
“I’m waiting for my secretary,” he replied.
Wife’s definition of retirement: Twice as much husband on half as much pay.
Q: What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
A history professor and a psychology professor were sitting on a deck at a nudist colony.
The history professor asked the psychology professor, “Have you read Marx?”
The psychology professor replied, “Yes, I think they are from the wicker chairs.”
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations–we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
Mother: So, you want to become my son-in-law?
Boy: Not really, but I don’t see any other way to marry your daughter.
Two women were talking about their new milkman.
First: He’s very good looking, punctual & dresses so smartly.
And so quickly too!, said the other.
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