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Read some jokes on Ugaadi Day!
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Mar 23, 2012 12:26 am
275 Views
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*A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil: Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.
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**HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle. If 1 punctures, the
vehicle can't move further
Moral: Always Keep a SPARE TYRE....
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**Wife Running After A Garbage Truck: Am I Too Late For The Garbage?
Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet. Jumpppp Innnn Fastttt.
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**A man came home late at night after a party.
His wife yelled: "how would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"
The man couldn't believe his luck: 'that would be great'!
Monday passed and he didn't see her......
Tuesday and Wednesday passed too.....
On Thursday his swelling became better
And now he could see her from the corner of one eye.
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**Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts: "Up!
Quick! My husband is back!"
Man gets up, jumps out of the window, hurts himself, and then realizes:
"Damn, I am the husband!"
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You know why women starts with 'W'...
because all questions start with "W".. !
Who ?
Why ?
What ?
When ?
Which ?
Whom ?
Where ?
&
Finally Wife..!!!
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*Nobody teaches Volcanoes to erupt, Tsunamis to devastate, Hurricanes to sway around & no one teaches How to choose a Wife,
NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.
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**Difference between Friend & Wife
U can Tell ur Friend "U r my Best Friend"
But Do u have courage tell to ur Wife "U r my Best Wife?"
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Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream that u were sending me jewellery and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw your dad paying the bill!!!
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*A recently fired stock trader said ...
"This is worse than divorce... I have lost everything and I still have my wife..."*
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*Message of the year:-
Women live a better, longer & peaceful life..!!
Why? Very simple...
A woman does not have a wife..!!!
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*Husband to a newly wed wife: I could go to the end of the world for you.
Wife: Thanks, but promise me you will stay there for the rest of your life.
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*Judge: why did u shoot ur wife instead of shooting her lover?
Sardar: Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one
man every week.
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*Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some
sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you.!!*
**************************************
*
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7
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Few Jokes!
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Feb 12, 2012 1:15 am
346 Views
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A man watching a football game on TV kept switching channels to a dirty movie featuring a very lusty couple making love.
"I don't know whether to watch them or the game," he said to his wife.
"For heaven's sake, watch them," his wife advised."You already know how to play football!"
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*A husband and wife had a tiff. The wife called up her mum and said, “He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you”. *
*
Mom said, “No no Sweetie - he must pay for his mistake, I am coming to stay with you!”*
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*Two high school sweethearts had been dating for four years, they had enjoyed losing their virginity together, and they were inseparable until they graduated. They had planned on going to college together, but he was accepted to a school on the west coast, and she was accepted to a school on the east coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and to spend anytime they could together.
As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home,and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return his letters. Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around. He didn't take this very well, so he increased the number of phone calls, letters and e-mails in an attempt to save their relationship.
She became very annoyed with this when she started seeing a new fellow, and she wanted to get the old boyfriend off her back, so she took a Polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend's unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, "I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone!"
Needless to say, he was heartbroken, and very ticked off. So,... he wrote a note on the back of her photo: "Dear Mom and Dad, I'm having a great time at college. Please send more money!" ...and then mailed the picture to her parents.*
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What prospective brides / grooms expect?
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Aug 27, 2011 4:24 am
789 Views
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Women still prefer chivalry while men notice portion sizes in the first meeting, reveals online survey
If you though chivalry is dead, you may be in for a shocker. In a survey conducted by a leading matrimonial portal, 62% women expect their prospective partners to open doors and hold out chairs. Not only that, being a miser only makes things worse for men. The poll received responses from over 5,200 Shaadi.com members across India and have thrown open some surprising facts.
Read: Want to marry rich?
According to the survey, both men and women shared the same opinion when it came to meeting their potential partner unaccompanied. Unlike the earlier generations, today’s prospective marriage seekers prefer the first meeting to be away from relatives and at a neutral venue. Not only that, 57% men get put-off if the woman comes accompanied by a relative and friend. But they are still orthodox when it comes to footing the bill as 70% women expect men to pay on the first meeting.
Also read: Marriage can be good for a man's heart
While women size their men up by their interest to loosen their wallets, men pay close attention to whether the women eats what she orders or not, which is indicative of their health. While 70% women would like to have a semi-formal setting like a coffee shop for the first meeting, 45% men prefer taking the women to a fine-dining restaurant.
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2
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Astro Sex!
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Aug 24, 2011 12:18 am
904 Views
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Today yahu published it.
Sex and Sun Signs
Sex is really important to keep your relationship sailing smooth forever. It is not just about physical pleasure but by giving in, you are expressing 'trust' that you have in your mate. It reflects affection, care, love and a feeling that you are wanted. If your sex life has gone for a toss, you have to work on it before your relationship is hit hard. In fact, sex has the power to put an end to conflicts in your relationship. So, discover your partners' passion points through their sun sign and keep the magic in your relationship alive.
Aries:
When your lover is Aries, sex is best if it's spontaneous and unrestricted. Their heads are erogenous zones-they love it when you mess up their hair and grab their face when they are making love. They are especially aroused by their partner's sexual organs.
Taurus:
When your lover is Taurus, the sexual nature involves all of the senses. Touch and smell are supremely important to these lovers. These lovers don't have a reputation for spontaneity or variety, but they are good at what they do nonetheless.
Gemini:
When your lover is Gemini, use words in bed with them. Talk turns them on, and they love to kiss! Oral pleasures are extra special for these lovers. They love role-playing, as long as it is varied.
Cancer:
When your lover is Cancer, you'll get one of the most sensitive and sweet lovers. They are turned on by slave scenarios, and they may like it when you're a little mean and aggressive in bed, as long as they know you love them.
Leo:
When your lover is Leo, the fantasies often revolve around devotion and attention. These people are most turned on when their partner thinks they are gods or goddesses. They can sometimes come on too strong, and get impatient when their needs are not met soon enough.
Virgo:
When your lover is Virgo, there is generally a healthy attitude towards sex. Simple and sweet is the way they like their bed partners. They can be a little insecure about their own bodies, and they make up for it by paying close attention to their methods of turning you on.
Libra:
When your lover is Libra, extra care is taken to please the partner. They love working on getting things right, and are especially turned on by role-playing sex games. They are givers in bed, but they fully expect you to give equally in return.
Scorpio:
When your lover is Scorpio, the sexual nature can be quite complex. These lovers are willing to do almost anything, and they enjoy full-body pleasures. The most passionate of all signs, Scorpios are known to have sex always on their mind.
Sagittarius:
When your lover is Sagittarius, sex is treated rather like a sport. Laughing and rough-housing are huge turn-ons. The best way to approach sex with these people is to just do it.
Capricorn:
When your lover is Capricorn, sex that is straightforward and simple is generally best. They can be quite happy with consistency, as variety is less important to them than is security in sexual expression. Do not expect any creative or zany positions, but expect it to be good.
Aquarius:
When your lover is Aquarius, there is a 'take it or leave it' style that can be sexy or maddening, depending on the audience. Sex from a distance, like cyber or phone sex, or affairs that don't break up marriages, can be especially attractive to these folks.
Pisces:
When your lover is Pisces, a subtle approach to flirting and sex is taken on. In general, they prefer non-verbal expressions of love and are attracted to imbalance. Self-sacrifice, compassion, and even religion can be mixed into their sexual expression.
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5
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Sen Sunny
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Aug 13, 2011 10:39 pm
794 Views
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Sen Sunny is provoking me! ....unbearable...too...U r very sexy, Sen!
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0
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Friendship day wishes
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Aug 6, 2011 4:19 am
806 Views
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I wish all of you a happy friendship day. Friendship is a great ship that carries loads of sweet memories.
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1
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Copied material only-3
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Jul 2, 2011 11:47 pm
866 Views
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MY DOCTOR
*Let me tell you about my doctor**.* *He's very good!* *If you tell him you
want a second opinion,* *He'll go out and come in again**.
~~~~~
He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years* *Before he
realized she was Chinese.**
~~~~~
Another time, he gave a patient six months to live.* *At the end of the six
months, the patient hadn't paid his bill,* *So, the doctor gave him another
six months**.
~~~~~
While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said,* *"Doctor, there is
a man here who thinks he's invisible."* *The doctor said, "Tell him I can't
see him."
~~~~~
Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled,* *"Doctor,
doctor! - my son just swallowed a roll of film!"* *The doctor calmly
replied, "Let's just wait and see what develops."** **
~~~~~
One patient came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem."* *The
doctor asked, "When did it start?"* *The man replied, "When did what start?"
** **
~~~~~
I remember one time I told my doctor* *I had a ringing in my ears. His
advice * "Don't answer it."
My doctor sure has his share of nut cases.* *One said to him, "Doctor, I
think I'm a bell."* *The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Here, take
these -* *If they don't work, give me a ring."**
~~~~~
Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards.* *The
doctor simply said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later."** **
~~~~~
When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places,* *He told me to stop
going to those places**.
~~~~~
You know, doctors can be so frustrating.* *You wait a month and a half for
an appointment,* *Then he says,** "I wish you had come to me sooner."*
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To link to this blog (gemini369) use [blog gemini369] in your messages.
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