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Ads....worsttt and bestttttttt...!!!!!
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May 13, 2010 3:34 am
1784 Views
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Nooo , mere toothpaste mein namak NAHINN hai. Sheesh imagine
someone barging into your very very personal private space at the
wrong moment to ask such a dumb question..Kya tumhare toothpaste
mein namak hai? Excuse me pleasee...(I promise to never buy that toothpaste ever!)
ADS , ADS, ADS, ADS We just can't get away from them . They are the best form of missiles companies throw at us the poor public as payment for having hobbies like cricket , news, movies and serials and other programs we love to watch.Sigh..I can only noww appreciate Doordarshan of old when we saw a whole movieeeeeee with just a 20 minute news break___but then i digress.
Another ad which makes my nerves grate is the Nirma one.A woman in the mandatory white saree standing on the road, yelling the Nirma theme song at a puddle that threatens to splash on her pristine white saree? EEEKSS..What the hell is it supposed to display?
Oooops and that Docomo AD in the friendship bus where all are
sitting silently with sullen faces till they suddenly break into a supposed to be 'song'.All it did was left me wondering what it is all about.. Can someone help me pleaseee...!
I know many may not agree with me on this one but the Surf Excel ad where a boy acts like a dog to make his teacher happy while
dirtying his uniform in the process. I found it atrocious and in
bad taste.. Just not to my liking and i have no explanation
either..!!
Ishh and i am sure manyyy of us would love to forget that Lux
underwear ad with the monkey.....ewwwwwwwwww..A monkeyyy stealing
underwear..andddddddd trying it on.. puh--leaseeee... whatever was the guy who made it thinking or was it fantasising?
Of course all those ads featuring underwear which increase the
'macho-ness' of a guy.. with tag lines like..'ye to bada toing
hai..' !!!Lord have mercy on us female souls and keep them away
please.
OMG i guess i could go on and on but i'll stop with one of my
Favorites... Awww those soo chweett 'ZOOZOOS' in the vodafone ads.. they make my heart melttttttt.The concept and ideas aree so simple yet so effective and appealing.
OKK so now that i have bored you all enough , i am off for some
thandi thandi LASSII.. Badi garmi hai bhai loggg!!
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15
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THOSE WERE THE DAYS--------------!!!!!!!
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May 11, 2010 12:08 am
1370 Views
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So , i belong to the era when TV'S made their first foray in India and what excitement it was to be one of the first families in the whole locality (and many neighborhood localities also i am sure) to get a tv.It was the black and white era .
People call it the idiot box but for a kid like me back then it was more a 'magic box'...Even if there was just one channel Doordarshan and mostly all boring programs. My Bollywood nasha
of course was started by THE TV. Being from a conservative family , going to the movie halls was considered a waste of hard earned money and not a place where 'nice decent' girls went. So i was stuck at home watching the Sunday evening movie, even if it was like a movie made 20 years before being shown.My living room
resembled a mini movie hall on sunday evenings, what with all the
neighbors , their servants, our own servants andd their family
members and any relatives who specially visited just in time for
the movie..!!! Phew ! Andd free and snacks and tea being served in the interval ( a 20 minute boringz news break.)!
There was just one weekly music program on Wednesdays.
'CHITRAHAAR' where Doordarshan made sure we heard 4 boring
unmelodious songs for just one nice one.!!
One of my favorites was 'MIRROR AROUND THE WORLD'.It opened my eyes to a bigger world out there and crave for a trip 'abroad'
The ads started much later and color came with it. My first memory of an ad is of the NIRMA one.it still has the same catchy tune even thought the models are changed.!! (Nirma , Nirma, washing powder Nirma..!! dood si safedi , kapdon pe laye, raangeen kapda bhi khil khil jaye..washing powder NIRMAA...!!)
Cable tv , 500 plus channels, live tv etc etc, all seem to be
just so taken- for- granted these days.Sighhh, i am sure i am not the first or the last to want to relive those Doordarshan days but then.... those were the days.........
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EMPRESS OF THE WORLD..............!
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May 7, 2010 4:54 am
1341 Views
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So i was thinking.. What IF i were made the PM of India ? I know i know, i am being too damn prepostrously naive and audacious but then the big word is IF, and since its been shoved down our throats by the likes of the Gates',Ambanis', Birlas' and Tatas'about thinking BIGGGG why stop at PM OF INDIA? WHY NOT IF I WERE EMPRESS OF THE WORLD..? Aaaa that sounds soooo goodd. Actuallyy come to think of it, in my mind i already am but then tum sab se bhi poochna maangta na...?
So IFFF i were Empress of the whole world...
I would wave my wand and turn the whole world into a wireless enabled globe. No more internet bills !(sheesh my wand? oopps this is an Empress cum magic fairy...!!)
Hmm window shopping andd sex.. would both come under the aerobic exercise category !!!
Everything under the sun would run on solar power and anybody using fossil fuels and selling essentials like water , power and food would be locked in dungeons and like the olden days taken out on holidays and made to fight with each other to death..Actuallyy i would also classify butter chicken, heels , vodka , biryani under the essentials category lekin kuch jyada hi ho jayega na..?
People taking advantage of other peoples' misfortunes like death and desease would also be put in dungeons and meted out the same treatment..
I would allot a special island for , child abusers , intolerant people, religous fanatics, people who curb the freedom of others whether religous or personal.Leave the whole lot there to turn each other as crazy as they are anyway and die while frothing at the mouth...
All Shah rukh movies would be made compulsory viewing.. lol..oopps which would make me want to make all the Shiv Sena bullies turn into dumb and blind... na bura bolenge, na bura dekhenge!!
And of course only people i like would be allowed into the IFF chat room...!!!
Ermmm just for all my wonderful friends out there... free chocolate vending machines.!!!
A clone factory ... Brad Pitt , Tom Cruise , Clooney, Pacino..... phew what possibilities..Hrithik , Shahid , John .. all on demand.!
DOORBELL RINGING.............
Sigh.. i will have to stop here ... the kitchen calls this Cinderella back to the stove !!!
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4
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UFFFFFFFFF..GODJI.................!!!!!
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May 1, 2010 12:27 pm
1485 Views
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Ok,i just had a longgggggggg argument with a stubborner- than- a -mule friend and am in a foul mood. I want to rant and since i am a true Bollywood fan there is only one person i can rant at, our very own Godji !
SO GODJI , It might have just slipped your notice but Maya-the-statue-wati ,on her last birthday got one of those Huge Gargantum , Humungous 'Haars' ladened with 1000 rupee notes worth what 15 crore ? Jeezzz bloOdy f--king f-i-f-t-e-e-n c-r-o-r-e !Hell, in all my 47 years on this created_ by_ you so called earth have i not got a bloody 100 rupee garland even..Thats so bloody unfair Godji.. Kya Kerte Ho Aap?
And Godji.. whats all this stuff about all Godmen and Priests having such wonderful hot and fullfilling sex lives ? Its so unfairrr. I mean the so called 'yogi's' with their 'eat right, exercise right' regimen are understandably deserving of their high libidos, but what about these Godmen? All i see they do is yap away at us sinners about praying and meditating and dish out feel good mantras and quotes and in return get all the money , adulation andddddddd all that sex.Jeeeeeeez ,and to think now its gone global with priests abroad and swamis here. They are having so much fun. Evil , Kinky fun while we all sit here in front of our pc's leading dull and drab lives . Godji Kuch to Karo Na pleaseeeee..!!
Ufffffff Godji , why make me a blogger and yet not give me enough grey cells to churn out atleast one blog a day ?I promise i will behave nicely to all in the chat room and neverrrrrrrr fight with ermmm-- ok let that go ! I promise i will write a blog on you ...only good stuff but Godji Help me naaaaaaa !!!!
And Godji , why is it that i have to keep fighting with my weight all the time? How much would it have cost you if YOU had just given me 6 inches more ?(to my height Godji... gosh, even you have started thinking like most Iffians..Galat baat Godji !! ). 6 inches more and i could have stretched my weight out and not bothered about every damn calorie going into my mouth..Bahut na-insaafi hai ye Godji.You gave me style but why so muchhhhhhhh substance.? Kuch Kam ker do naaaaaaaa!!!
Godji , please turn the stubborn mule i mentioned above into a thinking hot handsome caring loving ----ok ok i guess somethings are impossible even got you.. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..!!
Sigh.. GODJI i guess i have ranted enough for today..now i better get back to the kitchen .I am having guests for dinner GODJI and unlike you i can't stretch my one hour into 24 so am off. BTW nice talking to you Godji and nice talking to you reader~~!!
See yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...!!
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EVERS GOES TO THE HOSPITAL....................!!!
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Apr 21, 2010 12:15 pm
2277 Views
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SO, i am back from a stint at the hospital.I did so want to tell you all before going but then the thought of all the 'buri nazars' and the whole lobby going 'sooni'sending all praying in the temples for me made me limit the news to only a few. Now that i am back , safe and sound , hale and hearty to my sexy smiling and smart self, i can openly tell about my stay there.
Hmm.. so for the past few years all the abuse on IFF being aimed at me has resulted in it all turning to stones in my gall bladder and i guess they finally just became too much to hold in and i went to have them removed.Now that i am free both from the effects of the abuse and my gall bladder i am feeling at peace. And i guess since the abuse won't stop.. will have to make my kidneys the next target.. sighhhhhhhh!! (atleast i have 2 kidneys..!!)
I assume all you reading this are waiting with bated breath for an account of all the hot male doctors and nurses i met while there. Sorry people to disappoint you all but all that 'hot' doctor /nurse talk is just crap.Seriously.. Damn when you come out of anasthesia and the pain blinds you, when u want to puke with every breath and with the needle of the IV drip pricking into you for 24 hours all doctors and nurses look as ugly and bland as the bloody food they serve if not more..hot my foot...!! The boiled cabbage and the mixed vegatable mash looked more appetising.!
So what is my only memory of my not so wonderful stay there..?
Hmm.." OOOOooo Slowly..PleEEEase slowlyyyyyyy.... mmmm ..oooooooooooo .. aAAAaaaaaaaa .. sssloww please.. pleaseeeee..........oooooooooo ..AAAaaaaaaaa...........over....?"Thats how i moaned and groaned..Nooooo, i am not describing an orgasm but how i reacted everytime the damn nurse came to shoot me up with antibiotics and something called 'flush' through my IV line. It bloody hell hurtssssss people !!
Hope my next visit does not come for a long time yet so hey people go slow with the abuse this time ok....?
P.S. i think this is one of my crappiest blogs yet but i have an excuse... all the antibiotics and meds have spaced me out and left me feeling loopy and dazed.......
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14
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APRIL FOOL BANAYA.......................!
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Apr 8, 2010 6:19 am
1538 Views
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Mera April Fool banaya gaya.I got an SMS from a fellow Iffian.'Call me urgently ,i have been told something bad about you.' I immediately called back wondering how much more bad could i hear about myself.. I was then asked to scroll and read the full SMS. Needless to say it was an April fool's day joke.I called back and for five minutes only heard laughter. I felt even worse because i had not called that friend in monthsss..
I won't tell about the second time, but it made me feel worse than the first time. And i am going to be ribbed about it for some time now.I know all of you reading this would be grinning with glee at wanting to call me a 'fool' but hey wait i have something to tell you about 'fools'
The fool can mean different things to different people and in
different ages.People ususally think of a fool as someone lacking commonsense but in my case it was just the situation.. call it a temporary aberration when a smart (Ahem Ahem!!) woman like me lost my grip on reality.
In Punjabi we normally call a fool..Khota , Jhalla , Kamala.
In hindi.....Chutiya , Jhalla , Paagal.
Young people use CH2SO4..OR CHUTIYAM SULPHATE as used in the movie Ishqiya recently as slang .
The Americans call them Morons , Jerk , an Asshole.
The British call them Duffers.
But.. a fool was actually never meant that ..
A fool in Shakespeare's plays was innocent , good hearted , light mannered and made the most profund and ironic observations in the simplest of ways. The wisdom of the infant was there in the fool.. the court jester.
And so with whatever little dignity i have left, i will insist i am like the Tarot card wala fool ,embarking on a fresh journey and am nottttt a CH2SO4.... Say what you will... Hmmpphhh..!
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KITTY PARTY...........!!
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Mar 31, 2010 12:51 am
3017 Views
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So , everyone knows i am part of a kitty party group and in case you did not know , consider your life to be wasted till now.!
Anyway , so every month we meet, this exclusive group of about 20 ladies, all CEO's of their family businesses (Ermm for you old fashioned people who still are stuck to calling Mumbai as BOMBAY , its the latest nomenclature for housewive's!.!!) The meet takes place at lunch and carries on till late evening.
We all arrive at 12.30 and for the first half hour, do the hugs
and,kisses (check each others clothes and jewellery out) and the normal chit chat. The welcome drinks arrive.. ahem ahem... alcoholic cocktails or beer whatever pleases us. Then the fun begins. The cards are bought out, and all get down to playing 3 patti. With bets starting at 500 bucks,lots of money is lost and won but we all such good friends and sooooo rich that it makes no difference.As they say, 'paisa to haath ki maill hai'(money is just dust off our hands.!) Snacks and more drinks are served throughout and lots of loud laughter and fooling around.
After about an hour or so when most of us are feeling tipsy enough and in a mood to 'swing' so to say, the music is put on and we all let our hair down literally so to say and start dancing.The hostess in charge of the party that day is also supposed to arrange for male entertainment... a couple of handsome hunks who join us in dancing. Ermm since the temperature seems to always rise with 20 hottt tipsy
females around,i guess the guys feel the heat and are allowed to
strip to cool themselves off. You see we women are so very
understanding and caring. Not a dirty thought crosses our mind when these guys strip. And if we do touch them its just to feel whether their 6 pack abs and other muscles are for real or not.. ! I promise we are the most decent of women !
The evening ends with taking out the slip for the next months meet and winner of the kitty money. Ernmm did i mention the winner is allowed to take one of the male strippers to drop her home.What happenes after that is your own very guess. But me not telling at allllllllll......Keep your imagination running !
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Sighhhhhhhh.... STOPPP...... before any of you start wanting an
invitation to my kitty party next time keep those thoughts in
check.He He He All what you read above is what most people 'think' happens at kitty parties. It is soooooooo not true... crapppp!!!!!!!!
I go for my kitty party,to some restaurant. We meet, play a game of tambola , have lunch , talk ,joke and plan for the next month meet and thats ittttttttt... back home by 2.30. !!(you can verify with Akruti who was kind enough to spare her valuable time to accompany me to one of my parties.!)
I wrote this blog after i was asked by about 5 guys last week what I did in my 'kitty' party in that insinuating way. I thought may as well make them happy in words if not in real..!!!
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13
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Friends, Vodka, Butter Chicken, Ice Cream..........................!
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Mar 17, 2010 4:54 am
1552 Views
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Nope , This is not a recipe for a friday night party though it does sound perfect doesn't it? Yes, not for a party but for a perfectt lifeeeee !
I am a Mom to 2 wonderful kids.(this info for first time readers.. oh and welcome to my blog.!) They have grown up now , but when they were in their teens and living with me, all the labour pains, the sleepless nights and nappy changes were worth that one adoring look and hug they gave me when they of course found the time from their oh so busy schedules.(which included more partying than studying of course !)Mom's usually don't feature on any priority list of teens anyway, and if they do it's somewhere between getting their hair cut and their clothes washed!! Of course they now find me slow and out dated , yet love my company when they include me in their so called 'modern' life.
Coming close to Motherhood is Friendship. Bein an extrovert i always did have lots of friends but only 3 really close ones.
And then LIFE HAPPENED.I got married early and moved out of my
home town.1 moved abroad , 2 to different cities and we all
lost touch. Finally after 10 years of my marriage we again found
each other.We all are again in touch but the 1 living in the same city as me became close again. And now , another 18 years later, with so much water under the bridge so to say.. we still remain the best of friends. She is a working lady living within a joint family with lots of responsibilities, yet we both manage to talk and share and support each other in many ways.She thinks i am strong and practical in ways she is not and i think the same for her. I guess i in myself am a weak person but with friends like her i feel stronger.
Over the years i have made other girl friends( including IFF )We can talk about anything.... face packs and underwired bras , botox to the latest diet plans , such really earth shattering news like Ash/Abhi's wedding and Sonia Gandhis saris, to the latest sales and relationships.. any topic under the sun and we have an opinion to share.. Leaves me feeling goodd and happyy .!!!!Just likee Ice Creammmmmmmm!!
Life for me has been like that scoop of vanilla ice cream.. Rich , Creamy , Smoothhhhhhh........Ok Ok. I lovee ICE CREAMM... even more than chocolate. So , i guess i can say.. Motherhood and Friendship are both as satisfying as ,my favorite Ice Cream !!
Hmm so what about the Butter chicken and Vodka? Ermm, why not? They are as important for A PERFECT LIFE aren't they..!!?
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5
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KYA DIALOGUE HAI---WAHHH.!!
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Mar 12, 2010 8:26 pm
1813 Views
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Ok time for a real meaningful post now. Hmm, what should it be? The women's reservation bill , or the filmfare awards? Ermm the Indian hockey team debacle or the coming commonwealth games preparations? Argghhh--- forget it .I am too lazy to put my mind to it now.Waise bhi ,till date no has so far accused me of writing 'meaningful' stuff so why start now.?
So when i have nothing to write about which needs the use of grey cells,i get back to the tried and tested formula of 'these are a few of my favorite things' stuff.
Now ,any Indian worth his weight in Indian blood loves his Bollywood stuff which includes the hindi 'dialogues'we all been fed on since our childhood. I still remember when the wedding halls and parks would rebound with the movie dialogues of hindi films specially SHOLAY. I will post just some of the most memorable ones though i know there are many more.You all can add your favorites too.
1. 'Kitne aadmi the ? '( From Sholay and of course the sound of the belt clanging. goosebumps.~~)
2. 'Mere paas MAAAAAAAAAA hai...'( Shashi KAPOOR took away the thunder from Amitabh in this movie Deewar by this one line..)
3.Anarkali, when presented with thorns by Salim: "Jahe naseeb. Kaanton ko murjhane ka khauf nahin hota"(I am fortunate to receive thorns because thorns never wither).' ( i love this one personally..Madhubala..sigh..)
4.'Aap ke paon dekhey, bahut haseen hain, inheen zameen par mat utariyega maile ho jayengey'(i saw your feet, they are very beautiful,don't put them on the ground,they will get dirty.) secured for Raaj Kumar a permanent place in the Hall of Fame.( from the film Pakeezah.. sighhhhh.. wish i had feet worthy for such words..!)
5.' Ki..ki…ki…Kiran' ‒ Darr ‒ The beginning of SRK’s endless hamming.( HOW CAN I LEAVE OUT MY FAVORITE kHAN,,,!!)
6.'DON KO PAKADNA MUSHKIL HI NAHIN, NAMUMKIN HAI..'( Still to decide who said it better.. SRK or Aamitabh..)
7. ” Senorita… aise bare bare deshon mein… aisi choti choti batein… hoti rehti hai,” ( ooooo romantic hai..SRK OF COURSE..!!)
8.' Mogambo khush hua' ‒ Mr. India ‒( Amrish Puri got himself a new name and a place in Bollywood's top villain categories.)
9.' Sara sheher mujhe lion ke naam se jaanta hai' ‒ Kaalicharan ‒ the quote that spawned hundreds of ‘Ajit jokes'
10. 'Haath choro mera , Ab itni bhi khubsoorat nahin hoon main' (Ok, you can let go of my hand now .I ain't that beautiful even ! )--Jab we met..Kareena Kapoor
Over to you all noww..............
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7
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THE SUN NOT SHINING TODAY.
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Mar 4, 2010 11:01 pm
1703 Views
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I don't usually write such blogs. I don't know how to and feel unable to express myself in words i want to. So i stick to the safe nonsensical funny (some not so funny) stuff.
But today i am not smiling or feeling funny. Simply because i think i hurt someone more than i intended to.
Lately i have become quite sensitive to the word TRUST . I am continously being told by others not to 'trust' everyone i meet , speak or chat with(i keep telling others the same..)I can understand and appreciate their concern but i am left with a thought. If i cannot trust anyone then how do i make a friend.? We all have implicit trust in the fact that the next breathe we take will not be our last.Do we stop breathing in the fear of our some breathe being poisonous enough to kill us? And how do we trust someone to not break our trust after a period of time. How does one judge who is trustworthy and who is not apart from our instincts? Mine have turned out right more than 98 times out of hundred.Yet for those 2 times do i keep myself from trusting 98 times? I am confused ...
I wish i could personally write and thank all thos 98% people i know who have kept my trust but words would fail me anyway .Maybe some day...
A 'friend' told me about 'masks' and how we all wear different ones for different roles. I do too and i always have.Only a very few have seen my mask slip and you my friend were one.I did not feel too good about it and i guess over reacted the next day.
Maybe it is too late to take back the words but is it too late to maybe start again ? I wait for a reply...
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