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Duck feed
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Apr 20, 2011 11:34 pm
619 Views
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A duck walks into a feed store and asks, "Got any duck feed?"
The clerk tells him, "No, we don't have a market for it so we don't carry it."
The duck says, "Okay," and leaves.
The next day, the duck again walks in to the feed store and asks, "Got any duck feed?" Again the clerk says no and the duck leaves.
Next day, the duck once again walks in, and asks, "Got any duck feed?"
The clerk says, "I've told you twice, we don't have duck feed, we've never had duck feed and we never will have duck feed. If you ask me again, I'll nail your feet to the floor." The duck leaves.
The next day, the duck walks in and asks, "Got any nails?"
"No."
"Got any duck feed?"
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3
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Its time to go to school
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Apr 20, 2011 7:40 am
611 Views
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Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
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7
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Even God cannot understand, what to talk of Genie ..
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Apr 18, 2011 4:53 am
485 Views
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A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled upon an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said "OK. OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah, blah. This is the 4th time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish! The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete . . how much steel!! No, think of another wish!" The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women . . . know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment . . .know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say, 'nothing' . . . know how to make them truly happy . . ."
The genie said, even God could not understand women, what to talk of me...
The genie said, "You want that bridge with two lanes or four?"
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4
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They are finally together....
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Apr 15, 2011 1:12 am
664 Views
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She married and had 6 children. Her husband died. She soon married again and had 3 more children. Again, her husband died. But she remarried and this time had 4 more children. At last, she finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed to the Lord above, thanking Him, for this loving woman who fulfilled his commandment to “Go forth and multiply.”
In his eulogy, the preacher said, “Lord, they’re finally together.” Leaning over to a neighbor, one mourner quietly asked, “Is he referring to her first, second or third husband?” The neighbor replied, “I think he’s referring to her legs.”
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11
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Forgetfullness.
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Apr 14, 2011 6:25 am
453 Views
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Laloo: Doctor, I don't remember anything, sometimes on road I even forget if I am going to office from home or going back to home from office.
Psychiatrist: In such a condition, you should check your tiffin. If it is empty then you are going to home, if it is full, you are going to office.
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2
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Why the Red color is so Hot...
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Apr 12, 2011 12:52 am
519 Views
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The most emotionally intense color, red stimulates a faster heartbeat and breathing. It is also the color of love. Red clothing gets noticed and makes the wearer appear heavier. Since it is an extreme color, red clothing might not help people in negotiations or confrontations. Red cars are popular targets for thieves. In decorating, red is usually used as an accent. Decorators say that red furniture should be perfect since it will attract attention.
The most romantic color, pink, is more tranquilizing. Sports teams sometimes paint the locker rooms used by opposing teams bright pink so their opponents will lose energy."
Source(s):
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6
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Chinese Food Festival
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Apr 6, 2011 11:43 pm
486 Views
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Restaurant Manager: ' Why are you looking worried?'
Chef: 'There are lot of ants in soup and other cooked food. I do not know what to do.'
Restaurant Manager: ' Don't worry. I will annownce that today we are having Chinese Food festival!'
So when you go to any restaurant next time, be aware of same.
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2
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Where the hell were you when I got married.
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Apr 4, 2011 4:53 am
506 Views
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A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh, yeah?" the man exclaimed "And where the hell were you when I got married?"
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5
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