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We want to understand...
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Jun 8, 2011 4:07 am
1728 Views
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A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Japanese baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Japanese?"
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Japanese baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him".
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4
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The Little Girl
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Jun 6, 2011 7:19 pm
1711 Views
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A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.
"Mommy," she said, "can we leave now?"
"No" her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."
After about 60 seconds the little girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" Mom asked.
"Yes."
"How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the Sick'."
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3
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How to Get work done without paying a penny.
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Jun 1, 2011 12:03 am
1850 Views
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"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
"Hey Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Merry Christmas Buddy"
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17
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This is very small room.
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May 25, 2011 7:36 pm
1693 Views
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An older couple had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years.
To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel.
She said to the bellman, "We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning."
"But, madam!", replied the bellman.
"Don't 'But madam' me," she continued. "You can't treat us like we're a couple of fools just because we don't travel much, and we've never been to the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. I'm going to complain to the manager."
"Madam," the bellman said, "this isn't your room, this is the elevator!"
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5
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Blonde
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May 25, 2011 1:27 am
1758 Views
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A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde robbed a supermarket. As they were stealing, a police officer walked in the store and saw what was happening. He dashed toward them, but they were able to get away into the back of the store. There they found three sacks to hide in. When the police officer checked there, he examined each sack.
He kicks the first bag, and the redhead says "meow" in a high voice. The cop determines that it must only be a cat in that bag, and he moves on to the next.
When he kicks the second bag, the brunette says "woof" in a low voice. The officer determines that it must only be a dog in that bag, so he moves on to the last bag.
He kicks the third bag, and the blonde shouts "potato" to the officer.
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12
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Some people are very kind
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May 22, 2011 11:46 pm
1756 Views
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One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine, when he saw two men eating grass by the roadside.
He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
Why are you eating grass? he asked one man.
We dont have any money for food. the poor man replied.
Oh, come along with me then.
But sir, I have a wife with two children!
Bring them along! And you, come with us too!, he said to the other man.
But sir, I have a wife with six children! the second man answered.
Bring them as well!
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.
The lawyer replied, No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall.
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10
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Blonde are really clever
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May 19, 2011 9:27 am
1784 Views
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One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck�s driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Angrily, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what�s so funny?
The blonde giggles and replies, �When you weren�t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!�
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12
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I like the way you are thinking.
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May 16, 2011 2:00 am
1790 Views
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Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
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8
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