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Cocktail Parties- Ultimate Disappointment
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May 18, 2012 3:36 am
103 Views
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In Cocktail Parties:
Men generally stand around in groups, chat , drink and get stiff;
While
Women generally sit around , gossip, drink and get tight;
But alas when they go home they find that :
Neither is Either
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3
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Adultery - Crime?
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May 7, 2012 8:02 am
212 Views
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From time immemorial adultery is being practiced in the world. Most of the religions consider it as a sin. For the practitioners it is a sin if you are caught with your pants down.
In fundamentalist type of countries, adultery is punishable
by harsh sentences - sometimes death.
Is adultery legally a crime ?
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9
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PARAPROSDOKIANS: ...Enjoy this it is exceptionally brilliant!
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May 3, 2012 9:56 pm
243 Views
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PARAPROSDOKIANS:
I had to look up "paraprosdokian".
Here is the definition: "Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation."
"Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left..
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify: I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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4
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Pricelss one on Golfer
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May 2, 2012 7:36 am
267 Views
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Priceless
Many of you are into golfing...and few of you play that silly
game..and have recvd many golf jokes...BUT this one is priceless:
A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course.
As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don't you see the sign?
It says, 'Private property - Stay Out!'"
The golfer says, "I'm sorry I did not see it. That is my ball there.
May I have it, please?"
The man says, "It's in my yard and so it's my ball now."
The golfer looks at the man and says, "I understand." He then walks
back to the golf cart, gets another golf ball, then walks back and
throws it into the yard.
The man says, "What is that for?"
The golfer replies, "I consider myself a gentleman, and I believe
every prick should have two balls."
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7
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Scrabble
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Apr 30, 2012 6:54 am
271 Views
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Scrabble....
Rearrange the letters below to spell out an important part of the human body which is even more useful when erect-
P N E S I
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People who wrote SPINE became doctors...
Rest all are my friends...
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3
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A 'SWISH AND SWISH' REMEDY FOR WIFES
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Apr 28, 2012 9:07 pm
271 Views
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REMEDY THAT WORKS AGAINST WIFE BEATING
A woman goes to the Doctor in Glasgow, worried about her husband’s temper and threatening manner.
The Doc asks: "What's the problem, Janet?
The woman says: "Well Doctor Cameron, I dinnae know what to do. Every time ma old man comes home pished, he threatens to slap me aroon'."
The Doctor says: "Aye, well. I have a real good cure for that. When your husband arrives home intoxicated, just take a wee glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is sound asleep."
Two weeks later she comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
She says: "Doctor that was brilliant! Evrae time ma auld man came home pished, I swished with water. I swished an' swished, and he didnae touch me even once!
Tell me Doc ... wha's the secret? How's the water do that?"
The Doctor says: "Janet hen, it's really nae big secret. The water does bugger all … it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick."
HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK END
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2
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SHOOT OR SCOOT
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Apr 25, 2012 2:55 am
405 Views
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SHOOT OR SCOOT
Came across this picture. In such a situation what would you do, Finish the Job or Run for your life ?
Disclaimer: This does not point to any individual of any Nationality. Resemblance to any situation, or any individual is purely co-incidental.
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9
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DIRTY PICTURE- A QUIZ
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Apr 20, 2012 12:44 am
416 Views
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The movie titled Dirty Picture will be telecast on Sunday at 12 noon and 8 pm. The heroine has won many awards for acting and the story is based on the life of a South India starlet Silk Smitha played by Vidya Balan.
The heroine based on her seksy impromptu dance, is cast against veteran old actor played by Lecherman Naseeruddin Shah.The actor treats her like dirt and is not at all satisfied with the takes and retakes. He is shown frustrated and returns to his makeup room.
The aspiring starlet enters his make up room and tries to seduce the old man. He showing that he is not interested tells her :
Do you know I have had 500 girls so far?
The aspiring starlet questions him if he had 500 times with any one ? That does the trick and the pair clicks  Successful sexy shots and a successful pair at the Box Office. They are cast in many movies.
In one of the scenes in the movie, Vidya Balan sends a small slip thru the errand boy and lecherman reads a number , think 482 on the slip . Their eyes meet and they move to the make up room for the obvious.
Now the quiz is : From the expressions of the actors, what does the number 482 indicate?
a) Number of times already scored out of 500?
OR
b) Balance to be scored to reach a score of 500 ?
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6
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A BANANA A DAY
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Apr 16, 2012 6:11 pm
433 Views
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Bananas Contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fibre, a banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy. Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes. But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.
Depression:
According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan , a type of protein that the body converts intoserotonin , known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel better.
PMS:
Forget the pills -- eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.
Anemia :
High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.
Blood Pressure:
This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it the perfect way to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.
Brain Power:
200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex England ) school were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.
Constipation:
High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.
Hangovers:
One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.
Heartburn:
Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.
Morning Sickness:
Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness
Mosquito bites:
Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.
Nerves:
Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.
Overweight and at work?
Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and chips. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.
Ulcers:
The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.
Temperature control:
Many other cultures see bananas as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand , for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD):
Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.
Smoking:
Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B-6 and B-12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.
Stress:
Potassium is a vital mineral which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be re-balanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.
Strokes:
According to research in "The New England Journal of Medicine," eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death from strokes by as much as 40%!
So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrates, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around. So maybe it’s time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A banana a day keeps the doctor away!
Footnote :
If your roses are covered with Aphids, drape banana skins over the branches, it's amazing, but in a day or less, they are GONE!
Unzip a BANANA today!
Oh My God, did I miss any other OBVIOUS use of BANANA
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5
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Modernization of Indian Girl
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Apr 15, 2012 6:21 pm
465 Views
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Evolution of Indian Girls since Seventies
1970's : Love me, but don't touch me.
1980's : Touch me, but don't kiss me.
1990's : Kiss me, but don't do anything more.
2000's : Do anything, but don't tell anyone.
Since 2010 : Do everything, otherwise I will tell everyone that you can't do anything.
 
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11
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